# Hacking through life

## Concept

I love the image hacking through life is.
It is trying to be continuously smart, aware, equipped.
It may or may not be purposeful, because it is not really what it's about.

## Comparison

So there is this little piece of web-land I rent for free here, cyberfrk.
And there is no master plan. It is more. Hey, I'd like Internet to be cool. I like to write. It's cool. Wow, what about Cyberpunk?

And it could be about Asimov, French Revolution, WW2, Charles Bukowski, Japanese literature, SF, US Cinema, or Motorhead. It is not really the point. I feel that something is more fulfilling
What I like in Cyberpunk is that I see universality and relevance in it. It is not Japanese, it is not American, it does not have one voice, one language. And the themes, sometimes reinterpreted, are at times striking. It is not that SF is American, it isn't. But it is. Yes, there are Sciences Fiction tales thousand years before the US even had western settlers, in India, in Japan, Greece, etc. There are modern non US stuff. But the US largely took over. And that's what it is, the language, the appetite, the market, the know-how, the money, that's real. But I feel it is a bit limited in a way. Asimov talks a lot about AI, Robots. Terminator is a big chunk of modern imagery. But I can't remember a single time where they think : how do we stop that when different countries and companies are competing to have it first? How do we shape it while not an existential threat if laissez-faire is the local dominating narrative? That is not really a theme. There is at a primal level universal feelings of wanting to see robots and fights and courage, FX, whatnot. But the Universe is the USA, it's thinking inside the box without knowing it.

Anyway, I read some stuff about life :

- Life is like a box of chocolate...
- The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.
- The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why.

Sure, I could find better quotes. I just picked that off the top of my head but most of them are the current kool-aid :
We have a destiny, an inner absolute self with extraordinary potential, we reach happiness or fulfillment like a conclusion.
We'd be snowflakes, unique. I feel it is not only an impossible target, but it is also a very bad starting point, not even talking of an end.

I think that for shock value, entertainment, but also for a reason I will explain below : Most authors, most quotes try to make life grandiose. A destiny. An inner self to complete. An absolute victory. And that's their bias, their lens : it is story telling. That is what we want to see, we don't want to see boring, optimized. Some would even say that the tradition of the hero is a way to simply form Humans, showing an ideal, an inspiration so that we can kind of thrive in life. So, no my genuine take is that I strongly disagree with it. Fuck forrest gump as a philosophy book, seriously. It's movie they are here to make money, win oscars, feel good about themselves, for a large part. They are not carefully crafting ideas about how to make people's lives better. It's a story.

Stories have a beginning, an end. As a personal experience, birth and death hardly qualify as epic in modern days.
Life has Tuesdays. Story is about compression, removing the fat, the mundane. But that fat is most of life.

So Hollywood tells you : Here is Skywalker, enjoy. And self-help tells you : you are Skywalker.
I don't think it is desirable nor achievable. It has no roots whatsoever. Catholics and Atheists alike praise agency. Ancient philosophy had fate. This is destiny, I can't even define it. Who decides? Imagine that you have two very important goals in life. What happens? Never cross the streams?

Cyberpunk is gritty, it is about a world that predates and survives you, that overpowers you. And still, where you can find goals, friends, agency.

### Hacking

Whatever we are fed with is distorted. Movies have heroes. Books have a conclusion. A story, a happy end.
There is no jedi trick, it is entertaining it is so. It may be inspirational. You see Indiana Jones and you pick interest in archeology.
But would archeology as in "finding the Graal" a good life choice? Isn't it about liking what you do, doing real archeology?

So, all this "figuring out", making choices, that is a bit delusion of grandeur. With stories that have heroes, arcs, clear skill-up, well defined competence tree and dialoguists... they are not good example. People we see as successful are a very selected blend. And I am not sure that billionaire are happy. The fact that they are still there in their 40s, increasing their assets, dozens of generation worth of asset. Continuing their job, yeah, ok, they may like it. But this little contest around company size, worth, public image, I find it unappealing.

Life, to me, for me, is more about navigating it well enough. That's what I call hacking. It is local, one decision, another, some small. Apparently small. Actions taken drunk. It is bad choices, and dealing with fallout (play this game). It is not without purpose. But it is about goals, plural. It may be finding someone, reading books, being good at work, or shifting jobs. Depending where you start from, it may very well be : 10, 100 choices and actions that makes your life more bearable.

## One example

Or an example of one. Mine.

I was blessed with a clear vision of my future. At 17. I would work in IT. I would live in Japan. And I would be in a company that kind of impress.
Some people have told me they envied me for that. I have been told how rare it is, but not honestly I don't know.

Well, I won't complain, but fast-forward 20 years after.
I am in Japan.
I am in IT.
I am in a famous Corpo.

### And I am miserable

Worn out. Half-insane for not having time to sleep. Everything sucks. The language, the job, the company.
And it is true, I was really in bad spot.

I give you an example. I finish making an Excel, because of course we are using fucking spreadsheets.
It took one hour and a half. I close, the menu pops out. "Do you want to save?".
I click on no.
Damn.

But I saved some before, right? No.
So back at it. My productivity increased.
I close the fucking spreadsheet.
"Do you want to save?"

### No.

At that point it is 17:00 so I have worked 7 hours. I still have about 7 hours to work.
Because I work about 14 hours a day. And my baby cries at night.

So first thing, things can get fixed if problems are correctly identified.
I don't really have a philosophical problem of life choices made too early, regarding Japan and IT.
I had the problem that my job sucked.
And famous company was a bit stupid as a criteria.

There is not really an end game, so to speak. I had really believed that if I'd check the right box, I'd get a happy life.
People think "check box" like family, this and that, so old. I will make my own check box. But check box are check box. It is not like you override the checklist and voila! The impact, the hardship, the joy of living that life is something that escape in part what we can predict.

I think I was fucked. I own that as my choice. But this "box of chocolate" and destiny stuff, it got into my head. I felt I was meant to be there and do this. And it is so much more complicated than that.

But what I found out is that this goal gave me motivation, at a time where things were hard at home.
Learning a language opened me a whole culture, a way to read, to compose words. And an understanding of my native language, with a reference.
I met very important people, the significant other (that's disgusting, that lacks love so much, y a pas d'amour la), etc.

Moving is very important, I feel. Even running away is important at times. That's when you transit, in your internal states or spatially, that you meet people, you meet ideas.
You move on, you move up, away. Yoda : always in motion is the future.
And yes there are so many dimension, social, intellectual, professional, and love! You switch tools, you change them.
People say that boring is important. I don't know boring invites boring, to me. A boring job get me bored the night, I retract.

I have an example of that, and life lack balance. I was in a project I had nothing to do on. And they would not remove me. I asked. No. So it was at the client place. I started to wear punk t-shirts. Half-pants. Nothing. I started to reply to the client like "yeah I am busy, come back later". The night, I can tell you I was not throwing a party. I had stop moving. By the way I asked way later to my boss : why did you not remove me from the project. And he answered : it would have been boring without you. Do you feel the 100,000 employes Corpos in that answer? There was no grand plan, devious machination, destiny. It was local optimization. He found out he was better of with a punk than with the rest of the team. I found out that being bored at work is not my thing. One colleague came, a guy I love, we are friends of 20 years now, and he just minded his business, watching soccer. The guy was thriving. He has that energy, he transforms things to high energy, it is admirable. I am more permeable to conditions, much more. I will optimize, move away, take on me, disagree, I fight the place often, I don't overshadow it.

And so you see, that's life, it is chaotic. And that is my best quality : I fail forward.
I fail a lot. But life failed me first, I was unlucky. And fuck it, I can tweak probabilities.

Happiness, I would visualize that as a motion, not as a state. You don't reach happiness, you move happily, you move toward something better.

## Conclusion

Cyberpunk is cool, but people are more cool.
But not as cool as computers.

Oh wait. No, really, I feel that life is about thousand of optimization, good choices that override partly the reality of life, to an extent we may reshape it, individually and collectively into something that is nice.

### And I like my life.